I have a peculiar sensitivity to certain sounds. The more common ones being loud eating and my cat “sharpening” his claws on bare walls. Those certain sounds make me start to tweak after a while. My skin crawls like it’s got Alka Seltzer in it, and sometimes I have to get up and shake these feelings off like a layer of itchy dead leaves is beneath my clothes. Oh my, how apropos and poetic that thar simile was.. gee wiz, one would think it was Autumn right now.

Then it gets more interesting: You know those beer commercials on the radio where a beer is poured, sounding all liquidy, ploppy and frothy, and your ears are assaulted with every audible nuance and frequency that liquid pouring generates? Ho boy.. that’s a big one. If I ever hear one of those ads and happen to be near a loaded weapon, I hope for the sake of my loved ones that I’ve written up my will and that they can find it.

Also: Cats and dogs eating. Cats and dogs unremittingly licking their nether-regions. Ugh. Another one is shopping at Cheap-o, or “Expensive-O” as I fancy calling it due to their hella crazy CD prices. They have their CDs displayed in a manner in which you have to flip through them in order to see which titles are at your disposal – the used ones in particular, which there are hundreds and thousands of. They are enclosed in hard plastic anti-theft socks which prove to be quite noisy when flipped through. It’s all you hear when you walk into the place. Flick! flick! click! flick! click! flick! click…. usually my patience gets the best of me and I have to up and leave before I start throwing up in my mouth. That’s cool, I guess, ’cause as a result I never end up spending money there.

And now I’ve got a new one. Where I work, a lot of typing goes down. Walloping, unwieldy amounts. Everybody is typing all the time, right now, matter of fact, including yours truly (although my typing is that of a non work-related nature). Sometimes it cuts through all the other noises going on and it’s all I can hear. Pitter patter a million times a minute. My ears become incredibly focused and hypersensitive to the keyboard symphony in progress, and it starts giving me the heebie jeebies. Ack! Listen to it all! Somebody hits their ENTER key way louder than the rest. And the spacebar.. eck. I am in a cesspool of 5.1 surround sound suck right now.

I can’t take this no mo.. I gots to git up and move around. Walk it off Micycle, walk it off..