What would I like on my Tombstone?

Well for starters, some flavor would be nice. Peep this:

Went grocery shopping yesterday afternoon and threw a frozen pizza in the buggy ’cause I knew I’d be too pooped to cook by the time I got home and everything was unbagged.

I slipped the frozen food disc in the oven and 20 minutes later was sitting before a plate of 3 piping hot wedges of Tombstone sassidge and fungus pizza. One bite into it and I learned something interesting about myself. If ever asked what I would like on my Tombstone, I’d have to say “Flavor, please!”

There was adequate sassidge and fungus coverage on the pizza pie, however I couldn’t taste a single one of em. Not even the cheese. Or the sauce. I could taste the crust, but that’s because it was about 1/2″ thick and hard as a rock. It was really weird. I double checked the wrapper to make sure I didn’t get some sort of new water-pizza or something, but nope. This was just the standard issue run of the mill frozen pizza. And dang, it really sucked.


Maybe they’re called “Tombstone” because they sort of resemble Tombstones once fully cooked. I was tempted to take the tip of my apple peeler, carve “R.I.P.” in the cheese and plant half of it in the ground outside in the foliage as a late Halloween decoration of sorts. But I was too tired and too hungry.


Hm. Maybe they’re called “Tombstone” because they make you feel half dead after pounding back a few wedges with a glass o milk, ’cause I did indeed feel pretty crappy while my body kicked into overdrive attempting to digest the stuff. I passed out for a few hours, waking up disoriented before an empty plate at 1am wondering what had just happened and what year it was. After feeling my chin hairs and realizing they hadn’t grown into a Santa beard or anything like that, I was quite relieved.


I stumbled into the kitchen to warsh my plate and dangit, there was the other 2/3 of the pizza still sitting on the countertop. I always do that. It certainly resembled a tombstone before, but now it was pretty much petrified. I picked the 2/3 Pac Man shaped once barely-edible sculpture up from the rack and it magically remained in one piece and retained its shape, resembling a thick plastic Frisbee that had been warped in a fire.


Being one to not throw food out and waste it, I put it in the fridge to cure it a little bit more and am hoping that by tonight, I can use it as a cutting board for when I’m chopping my vegetables.

8 thoughts on “What would I like on my Tombstone?”

  1. So this has nothing to do with your post.. but could it possible that Iced Ink is really coming to St Cloud? I will be out and about.. I may have to stop by and see what the fuss is all about.

    So keep an eye out for me.. Ill be that one anonymous girl. 🙂

  2. micycle tricycle

    Yes'um, the Iced Ink will indeed be playing The St. Cloud tomorrow night (Friday 11/18) at the Rox with 2 other extraordinary Twin Shitties bands: In the Morning and Autonomy!

    We'll be debuting a new toon no less entitled "This Is What The Fuck Robster Craws Are" and it's a real pinner of a song – so it will be an historic evening indeed. Come on out and peep it, I'll be that one not so anonymous guitar player. All bands are certified not-sucky by me.

    Hey, maybe you can answer this: Is Treasure City still open? It's been years – I need a new moo cow can and to get someone a replacement Whoopie Cushion. No, fer real.

    I Stink Myspace page

  3. Next time you buy frozen pizza, sprinkle some olive oil over it. and some extra selected veggies. It makes all the difference.
    I mean.. what did you do during your days as a student? You didn't work to pay for real food, did you?

  4. I wasnt sure if it was still open or not.. I havent been up that way in awhile. However, I contacted a friend of mine who used to work there, and she says it is still open, so you are in luck.

    The only thing I remember about that place is going there for pony rides when I was about 6 years old. Good times. See you friday night!

  5. micycle tricycle

    Oh my gawd. I think I just found the answer to what a want to be when I grow up:

    A Treasure City associate.

    ROCK!!

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