“I pit-tree the foo who don’t like punnies!”Â
I was on the fence about this idea but had an Adrian-aline rush and decided to knock it out.Â
When I was a kid, my mom took my best buddy Jason and me to the movie theater in the Cottage Grove K-Mart mall to see Rocky III. I saw Mr. T in T-V ads for the movie and became obsessed with knowing more about him. I thought his mohawk was cool, and usually always rooted for the bad guys in movies, so I was particularly excited about going to see the Italian Stallion go nose to nose with his latest opponent. After watching it, as soon as we got home, I got to work trying to draw him to a T. I didn’t have any photos of him, so I had to rely on memory.Â
It wasn’t until just before 1982 became 1980-tree that I had pictures of him for reference. My parents bought me the Rocky III soundtrack that Christmas. Back then, there would be presents under the tree a week or two ahead of time. When nobody was around, I’d meticulously unwrap the edge of a few of mine to see what was inside, and then tape them back up. I was already a vinyl junkie at that age, and it was pretty obvious the big flat square was a record, so I wanted to see what I was getting. KISS? Stray Cats? When I saw it was the Rocky III soundtrack, I was slightly bummed it wasn’t a KISS album; I was still a couple of albums short of owning their entire discography up to that point in time. As soon as I fully slid it out of the wrap and saw Mr. T photos on the back and the track list, I thought, Oh yeah, this will be cool. It was tempting to bust the seal and see if there were more photos on the album’s dust jacket, but I chickened out. I carefully slid it back into the wrapping paper, taped it back up, and put it back under the tree. I’m glad I didn’t waste my time; it ended up being a boring transparent sleeve.Â
As intrigued as I was by Mr. T, I never went out of my way to watch The A-Team when it debuted in 1983. It seemed a little too… macho? 1983 was the year of Mr. T; he also starred in a movie called DC Cab. I remember coughing up the $1.25 to rent it at Astro Video, and I lasted about 10 minutes before losing interest and starting to draw instead of watch. I was more into the image and concept of Mr. T than I was Mr. T the thespian.
All of the old 1970s and 80s shows I grew up on are popping up all over the place on free streaming channels. They’re fun background TV when I’m working. Maybe I’ll have to find The A Team and give it a shot, it seems like the perfect show to kind of watch.Â
I recently binge-kind-of-watched the entire series of The Bionic Woman. Holy high jumps, that show was soooooo cheesy. I’m talking a brick of Velveeta dipped in Cheez Whiz with generic cheese puffs sprinkled on top cheesy. But that’s what made it so fun to kind of watch.
Way back when, I read one of those goofy “fun facts” blurbs in 16 Magazine where they lobbed quick lowball questions at Ace Frehley. 16: “What’s your favorite food?” Ace: “Pizza and beer.” 16: “What celebrity do you have a crush on?” Ace: “The Bionic Woman.” (I think that was his actual answer vs. “Lindsay Wagner”, good ol’ Ace.) When I was 7, those choices didn’t make much sense to me… but as a grown-up, I’m right there with him on both.
In one episode, Jaime Sommers was undercover as a beauty pageant participant. She sang “Feelings” in the talent portion of the contest. You can’t get much more 1970s than that. She sang in another one where she was undercover as an aspiring country singer. When she stepped up to the mic and sang a song called “Good to Be Alive in the Country”, the head honchos at the studio (including guest star Doc Severinson) were wowed by her milquetoast vocal performance. She was also a wrestler whose character was dressed in Native American garb. I’d love to see how that would go over these days.Â
She jumped high. She punched through walls. Bent steel. She threw stuff really far, and every time she did it, it made the sound of whistling fireworks going off. What couldn’t she do??
Bigfoot guest-starred in a 2 part special, which I think was my favorite. His masters (who were aliens, because of course they were) ordered him around remotely through a radio-controlled device, usually prefacing every command with “Sasquatch!!” Check out that amazing costume and makeup. It’s like a giant Barry Gibb in a bear costume (Beary Gibb?). I looked up the actor under the bear costume, and it was none other than Ted Cassidy, aka Lurch from The Addams Family. Unfortunately, this would be one of his last roles before he passed away at the young age of 46 from heart surgery complications. Rest easy, big fella. Here’s a sweet gif I found during a heated battle in one of the episodes, click and enjoy. I love her boulder-throwing form – try it some time and you’ll quickly realize it’s not as easy as she makes it look:
Once I exhausted that series, I went from ’70s cheese to ’80s cheese: I’m halfway through Kate and Allie now. I never watched it back in the day. The first thing I noticed was how bad the theme song was. The show always seemed to start with Kate and Allie out and about in NYC. They were walking the Brooklyn Promenade in the last episode I kind of watched. It’s like opening a time capsule from 1984: the apartment decor, the fashion, the yellow teeth, and oh my, the hair… it all gives me flashbacks to junior high. Those were by far some of my most awkward and least favorite years of my life, but they’re far enough in the rear view mirror now to where seeing shows from that era is funny, with only a small amount of cringing.
One fun thing about revisiting those shows from 30-40 years ago is recognizing actors who we all know now but were young(er) and just starting out. I saw a very young-looking Ben Stiller in Kate & Allie. CHiPs had a few of those – Bryan Cranston and Ed Harris are two that come to mind. A very awkward-looking post-Partridge Danny Bonaduce showed up in an episode. He was in his late teens or early 20s went all martial arts on a police officer’s ass. I went straight to Google and asked if that was really Danny doing those moves. Yep – it turns out dude has multiple black belts. I have a feeling that martial arts fight with the po-po was either autobiographical or eventually would be.
Eight is Enough is another show I binge-kind-of-watched. I used to watch that one all the time after school in the ’80s. Unlike Kate & Allie’s interior design that makes me wince, I always thought the Bradford house looked cozy, especially the kitchen… it’s probably my 2nd favorite sitcom kitchen (the Brady Bunch kitchen, and entire house, is my #1). In the pilot episode of Eight, Mark Hamill was the older brother! By the time the show was green lit, he had gotten out of his 5-year contract to go off and star in a silly little space movie called Star Wars. Up-and-comer Ralph Macchio was in the last season of the show. A few months ago, I heard him interviewed on a podcast and he joked that the show was canceled after the season he was in because “9 was too many”. Good one, Johnny Cade.
In one episode, I saw a cute little kid and thought Is that mini-Corey Feldman? It sure was! He made a couple of appearances on the show. At one time, he was just a normal, little, human kid. And just like his hero Michael Jackson, he grew up to be a bizarre, perplexing, white version of Michael Jackson. I can’t tell if his singing, dancing, and guitar playing is schtick or if he’s lost his marbles. Either way, he somehow survived all these years and is still out there doing his thing. It always looks like he’s having the time of his life, so good for him!
I don’t know that I’ll make it through the entire series of Kate & Allie, even though it’s just background TV while I work. Next time I fire up the telly I might have to dig into The A-Team and enjoy some of Mr. T’s fine acting. It seemed like a lot of the show involved helicopters, vans, and guns… if that’s the case I don’t know how long I’ll last.Â
Enough of my jibber jabber for now! It’s time to let Mr. T do the talking. All you kids out there, have a seat and listen up: