Throw the fork on the floor and use your fingers. I speak from experience.

I have a jacket that reminds me of an oven mit. Not sure why, because it isn’t shaped like one. Another weird thing – I wore it to a pub last night and today it smells like ketchup and mustard. If anything, it should smell like smoke.

The windows are huge and caked with translucent grey smears that makes everything invisible when the sun shines on them. I wish they made windshield wipers the size of brooms and there was a chrome button on the wall that I could push to spray blue cleaning solution on the windows and twist to activate the wipers.

Windshield washer fluid is blue. Is this the same liquid used in barber shop comb jars?

Is there such a thing as a case of vertigo so bad that even laying on the floor with your nose on the ground is still too high up?

Are there any pot smokers that actually know the meaning behind “4:20”?

Are there any people that use the phrase “86’ed” that actually know how that is supposed to mean “banished”?

Chuck Taylors sure are uncomfortable.

Minnesota dialect is amongst the most unattractive sounding dialects out there. I fear that I carry my O’s and E’s too heavily sometimes without knowing it because I’m from here. I hate that.

Coffee beverages should be offered in 6 oz. cups for people like me that take a few sips and get sick of it.