I am at a coffee shop sipping on a creepy tasting $1 bottle of sodie pop. I have $8 in my pocket. I used to have $9. This = I now have $8 to my name. At least until I sell another chunk of my CD collection and make trip #75 for the week to the Sperm Donor office tonight (hehe.. I kid you.)
I’m typing this text into Kimb’s little white technological device which folds in half and “sleeps”. It has a white glowing orb on the front of it which I stare at for minutes on end in a trance. The device I speak of is called an “iBook G4” and it has been really good at making me curse my brains out looking for a way to right click… I am, as I like to say, MacTarded. I have never used one prior to this month, but I’m figuring this bitch out whether it wants me to or not. Being the stubborn jackass I am, I will not give up on the dissipation of my MacTarded-ness without a bitter fight. How do I right click with only one button?? How do I get this fucking CD-Rom to give me my CD back? Why does text all of a sudden disappear when I’m typing? Why can I not CTRL+Z shit? Yeah, all of you Mac nerds can laugh all you want.. let me put a guitar and your hands and then see who’s laughing!
I will learn how to use this thing though. It’s actually kind of fun and I’m at about a 60% comfort level with it. Back when I was a young pup fresh out of high school, I bought me a brand spankin’ new pickup truck with a manual transmission. “Well good for you,” says you, I bet. But here’s the capper: the closest I ever came to using a manual transmission prior to my $10,000 new, undented, nice smelling truck was manually putting my hand on a lever in other cars and making a little red needle move in between the letters P,D,R,N,1, and 2. Learning how to shift in a new truck that cost $200 a month to GMAC and another $230 a month for insurance (for no other reason other than I was under 21 and male) is a high risk way to do it. But when I drove out of the lot of Midway Chev in my shiny new truck with 6 miles on it, believe you me, I re-learned the meaning of the words slow, paranoid, and cautious real fast. It was a long 20 mile drive from the car dealer in St. Paul to my friend’s in Cottage Grove. There were a few engine kills and gear grindings weee weee weee all the way home, but I did it and lived to tell. So take that, iBookG4. Cornfuse me all you want, but I’m gonna learn you!
Back to the final $8 in my pocket. I need to spend it wisely.. I really should put gas in the Pinto, but hm, that’s not really a fun way to spend $8, is it? Maybe I’ll fold this here iBook G4 in half, pack up, and go buy $8 worth of baseball cards. I never really collected them or had the desire to do so before, but it’s never too late to start, right?
Think of how much Pez you could buy with $8.
Mmmm…Pez…
Galdammit, run with the hunted… where were you with that suggestion BEFORE I went and blew the $8 on baseball cards?? Pez would have been way cooler, although baseball cards probably have more flavor.