This is something I pondered at band practice a few weeks ago when woodpeckers came up in a conversation.. I was reminded of this yesterday when I saw a woodpecker ramming his beak into a tree like a jackhammer as tiny tree shavings were falling to the ground like snow.

Do woodpeckers ever get headaches? If you think you ever have a bad day at the office with a migraine, just be thankful you’re not a woodpecker with a headache and a long day of work ahead of you. Damn that would suck!

I am now genuinely concerned for the well being of woodpeckers. I am going to concoct a special blend food for them by going to Walgreens and buying a huge bottle of Excedrin (tablets). If you recall, Excedrin is The Headache Medicine. I will crush the tablets into a fine powder with a mortar and pestle, mix it in with a bunch of bird seed, and leave it outside for them to consume.

It will be just a matter of time before woodpecker productivity skyrockets and soon the entire neighborhood will contain only tree trunks and giant piles of sawdust.. which might piss people off, but at least the woodpeckers will feel better about themselves with all of the work they’re getting done.