I always mine through my childhood memories and try to remember the earliest ones I can. I usually ask people what their earliest memories are for fun – it’s neat to watch them think and then remember things they haven’t thought about in years. Everyone’s got those old memories in their noggins, it’s just a matter of unlocking them.
There’s three in particular that I always go back to from my childhood:
1) When I was 3 or 4, my parent’s friend Charlie Johnson came to stay with us for a day or two. He lived in Montana and still does to this day, I believe. This was the only time to my knowledge that I’ve ever seen him in person. He’s the guy they named my brother after – I’ll give you 1 shot at what my brother’s name is and if you get it wrong, I’m giving you a titty twister.
All I remember about his stay is that he dropped and chipped one of our plastic cups and that we all took a nap in the middle of the day on our green shag carpeting in the living room. For some reason, I always pictured Charlie as a Buck Owens lookalike when I revisit this memory. Years later I saw a picture of him and he looks nothing like Buck Owens. Still not sure what he looks like, but now when I think of him I picture a taller, younger version of Regis Philbin.
2) Mom and Dad dropping me off at my Grandma Gertie’s when Star Wars came out so they could go see it. I remember crying and looking at my mittens I was wearing. They were navy blue – the left one had yellow letters on it that said HOT, the right one said DOG.
3) Walking across the top of my Mom’s piano holding a pink and yellow jump rope like a microphone and crooning like Don Ho.
Those were the earliest memories I’ve been able to muster up for the longest time. Until last week:
I rose from a deep sleep and suddenly remembered something. I must have been about one minute old at the time… There was a really bright light and a bunch of clowns. One clown held up a scissors and snipped my umbilical cord and I cried like a damn baby; most likely because I was one at the time.
I remember hearing the following conversation.
“It’s a boy!”
“No it’s not – take a closer look.”
(brief pause)
“No, that’s definitely a boy – here, take a look.”
I remember feeling a sudden rush of inertia as I was tossed across the room followed by an intense pain in my back.
“Dude, you were supposed to catch him!”
“You think I’m gonna catch something all slimy like that? Why you throwing him in the first place – even if I did try to catch him, he’d slip out of my hands.”
“Pick him up, dammit!”
“You threw him. You pick him up.”
As they picked me up, it felt like an elevator ride going from the ground to “baby holding level”.
“Oh, yeah, you’re right.. that’s definitely a boy.. I think my view was obscured by that dang King Kong statue again.”
“Alright… let’s get him rinsed off – we can’t let the mother see him all full of sand and grass clippings like this. And throw him on a bed of ice for a few minutes to try and slow down some of that bruising.”
I do remember seeing more clowns and more bright lights. The water felt really good when they hosed me down. I remember getting really cold, blacking out, and that’s about it.
I’m going to have to talk to Mom and Dad about this and try and fill in any gaps this memory has.. Why clowns? Grass clippings and sand? Was I born outside? Will let you know if I learn anything more. My lifelong obsession with KISS is slowly starting to make sense now.
If you’d like to share your early childhood memories with the rest of the class, please respond in the comments link below.