Look at what’s happend to my toofpaste. 
The photo probably doesn’t clearly illustrate what’s happening here, so allow me to explain: The toothpaste is not only sort of coming out of the top where it is supposed to, but a small noodle of it is squirming out of the side as well.
Sometimes I’m very lazy with things like putting twist ties back on bread bags, closing chip bags all the way, putting the lid securely back on cans of Pringles… you see what I’m sayin’. I guess you could say I have a problem closing stuff. At least it’s stuff that doesn’t need to be refrigerated.
Speaking of not closing stuff, another thing I don’t do all that well is put the cap back on me tubes of toothpaste. I don’t know why a 5 second job like that seems so tedious, but it is for me, at least. Not only does my toothpaste lose its freshness and no longer taste good on crackers, but my cat Frank has a plastic lid/cap fetish. If I leave a cap out in the open, say on the bathroom sink, for example, it’s fair game for Frank. Within minutes he finds and takes it, bats it around on the floor, and eventually it disappears.
This is what happened with my toothpaste and it has been lid-less for a good week or so now. Every night I have to pull a toothpaste plug out of the tube in order for the product to properly dispense.
Last night I was feeling extra lazy so in lieu of doing a plug-ectomy, I gave her a good hard squeeze (as you can see in the pic by the white knuckle stranglehold I had to bestow upon it). The plug remained tightly lodged in the tube. However, the pressure of my brute strength eventually took its toll and a noodle of toothpaste started oozing out the side of the tube. Eew. It took me like 30 seconds to get a decent serving applied to my toothbrush and my hand was shaking all the while.
So now I’ve got a bigass mess on my hands every time I brush my teeth. I could maybe put a cork in the top of the tube. Or I could just get two toothbrushes and try and align it so that when the paste is dispensed in stereo like that, it doesn’t go to waste. I’d have to brush my teeth twice, but it beats seeing perfectly good Maximum Strength AquaFresh Sensitive Formula go to waste like that.
Next time I’m spending the extra fitty nine cent and getting one of those pumps that claims to be mess-free.
That’s all I’ve got for you today. I hope everyone has a great weekend. May the bearded fat man dressed in a furry red suit provide you with many fine presents. I’m not talking about Uncle Louie who works as a mascot at the local sports arena and drinks his paycheck away at the beer stand… I’m talkin’ bout Sandy Claws, y’all! Merry f#$kin’ Christmas! If you don’t celebrate Christmas, then Merry All The Stores Will Be Closed on Suday to you and yours.
