When I say Product, I’m referring to hair goop. Three years ago I made the wise decision to chop my Cousin It hair off and thought it was gonna be easy. Well it is, I guess; I don’t get hair in my soup anymore. My hair doesn’t get stuck in my zipper after using the Biffy or zipping up my jacket. No more split ends. It doesn’t take 4 hours to dry after a shower. Thankfully, I don’t get hit on by as many 45 year old heavy metal moms anymore. It doesn’t get stuck under body parts causing a stranglehold on my noggin during.. um.. while practicing my rassling moves. Yeah. That’s what I was going to say.

Anywho. With the convenience of the dapper new me comes the price of maintenance and upkeep. I’ve pretty much been using the same kind of goop on my du since chopping it off; it’s a cute little red can of “matte fibre gum” (mmm!) and my main gripe is its not all that inexpensive.

I was at Target last night and figured what the heck. Maybe I should switch things up a bit and try something more affordable… So I swooped on over to the Product aisle. Truth be told I just felt like opening and smelling stuff, but this was as good of an excuse as any to do so. While standing there checking the bouquet of the various Products, I began to develop a fondness for a teeny Carmex sized container of pomade. The price was right, so I put it in my basket.

Today marks the introductory Target Goop trial run and I’m not really falling in love here. My mop is strangely oily, yet crispy all at once. I feel as if I rubbed a piece of fried chiggen on my head and then sprayed it down with some polyurethane.. not to mention I think it’s starting to make me a lil’ itchy. *sigh*

Evidently you get what you pay for with Product, and this makes me sad. I don’t like spending my precious recreational moneys on pricey red cans of hair goop. I fear that my follicles have become so accustomed to being pampered with the more costly Product that now they just reject the cheap Product right off the bat. I’ve been trapped! Maybe I’ll get some good Product pointers come Friday when I’m able to consult with a bona fide “crazy hair” specialist.

I love the red can stuff, but would like to think there’s a less expensive option. Perhaps I could go the There’s Something About Mary route. As much as I’d like to start every day off that way, there isn’t always time, you know? I wake up pretty early as is.

I’d never do it, but the Daddy Warbucks look is sounding more and more enticing as time goes by. But then Id have to start buying Nair, and from what I hear that shit just stinks to high heaven.