Riddle me this:
Q: What do you call someone who is not fond at all of manual labor but suddenly finds the energy to dump 2 sofas and a bucket of dog poo near your place of residence?
Give up? I’m not letting you off that easy. Think harder.
Anyone? Bueller? Anyone?
A: Hilarious!
It’s not every day you get to look outside your back window and catch your old neighbor dumping 2 old couches and a bucket of dog poo in the parking spaces located behind your building.
This, my friends, is what happened to us last night, and I found it rather amusing. Long story short, worse turned to worse with the caretaking situation at our last residence and it was time to move on and move out. So we did.
Last night at the new place I happened to glance outside the window while talking/gawking to Kimb only to discover our former neighbor’s monster truck outside at the building’s parking spaces. Former neighbor had an accomplice, and to thank us for moving out, they chose to secretly unload two old beat up sofas that were on the porch of the old place for quite some time and a white bucket which contained dog poo and some dried foliage from last autumn. Once the cargo was successfully transferred from the monster truck to the parking spaces, the dynamic duo clapped the dust off of their hands, got back into the monster truck, and drove off into the moonlight.
It was a very kind farewell gesture if I do say so myself! Not only did the couches get removed from our now vacant cave we once inhabited, but they cleaned the dog poo from the boulevard as well. We did not have a second to take care of the sofas and dog poo whilst moving out because things were so hectic and busy.. so as you can imagine, we were very surprised to see them get dumped off at our new property. Better yet, just a few feet away from the trash! We didn’t have to lift a finger for what otherwise would have been a tedious, laborious chore indeed.
With this in mind, allow me to explain a few things. The monster truck driving neighbor who we shared the house with possessed an extreme lack of motivation to ever take care of anything such as shoveling the walk, mowing the lawn, raking leaves, and other various chores one needs to execute in a cooperative living situation. Once our refrigerator started leaking Freon and urinating stinky refrigerator liquid, we called to have it fixed or replaced (as anyone in a rental property that needs to eat would do). Apparently in the eyes of our landlord, which she happened to be (we were subleasing), having a refrigerator that leaks substantial amounts of odiferous Freon, contaminates ones perishable foodstuffs and stops working altogether did not warrant immediate replacement of the non-working unit with a functional one. You know – one that keeps food cold and doesn’t smell like rotting tires.
So there we were with a dead rotting carcass that once was a refrigerator, a kitchen sink that drained about as well as a cereal bowl strains pasta, no oven or stovetop, a toilet that ran for 30 minutes after you flushed it, freezing cold air all the time, and various other conditions that were not to the benefit of anyone wishing to live even a semi-healthy life at the very least. We decided it was time to move out.
This made said neighbor unhappy. It was not convenient for said neighbor for a few personal reasons I will spare you from at this time (mostly financial). Neighbor has been known to have a bit of a hot temper, so we just kept our distance, found a new place, and moved out quietly.
As you may recall me mentioning, neighbor has never been fond of physical labor. Many would refer to neighbor’s work ethic as “almost dead”. Neighbor is also some 35 years old, but proved to us last night that just because you’re 35 doesn’t mean you are smart and able to make respectable decisions.
So to get us back for moving out of what we found to be a completely illegal and unlivable efficiency space, neighbor tried to upset us by actually removing herself from the lengthy permanent dent in her couch that is the shape of her body to lift a few heavy sofas and pick up dog poo with her accomplice, place it all in her monster truck, find out where we now live, and leave it there as if it were a big FUCK YOU FOR MOVING OUT!! That’s a lot of work, and she probably thought it would make her feel better at the time (which I’m sure it didn’t’), but I’m sure she has no idea that we find this all quite humorous. As mentioned, it was all placed just feet from the trash, so all we had to do was slide it over, end of story.
It was a very funny ending to an otherwise less desirable tenure in that house with that neighbor – it wouldn’t have been as funny sans the dog shit, but picturing her actually getting off her duff, going out to harvest the poo from the lawn and putting it in a bucket to deliver with 2 sofas is just too funny. “I’m gonna make them really mad by going out and picking up dog poop that I am not responsible for so I can leave it in their parking space! I’LL SHOW THEM!”
Pardon if you find this story to be a bit confusing, mainly because it was a rather confusing situation, but I hope you found it entertaining. Life is good now. We have windows. Lots of ’em. Hardwood floors. A door that locks. A shower. A kitchen sink that drains. A refrigerator that works. A cool landlord. Sunlight. WOO HAA!
One last thing.. if anyone knows the neighbor I’m talking about, if you’d be kind enough to go over and ask her if she’d drop off any mail of ours that might still be there, we’d really appreciate it. You can tell her to just leave it outside by the sofas that she was kind enough to dispose of for us.
