I can’t seem to find it. It says “FOSSIL” on the face and is affixed to a rather wide piece of black leather which starts to smell funny if it gets wet.

My watch was last seen on my wrist. The left one. I removed it last night because I cannot sleep whilst wearing any sort of accessory (I can’t even do socks), and that was the last I saw of it. I feel as if I never had a chance to say goodbye.

I’m really starting to get a little nervous, because I only know how to tell time on devices without any numbers on them. All of the other clocks which surround me contain numbers and are traditional circular clocks.. you know, like the ones which gave us such terms as “clockwise” and “counter-clockwise”.

I just like little silver dashes on the outer edge of a circle instead of numbers; that’s why I bought my watch. None of that numeric monkey business – just concise, easy to read dashes. It had the correct time set on it when I bought it and I never had to fiddle with it other than the two times a year Daylight Savings occurs, in which case I just bring it into the store I bought it at and they’re more than happy to adjust it for me. Yeah, sure, I get a few strange looks when I do this, but maybe that’s because I wear a helmet when I go to malls due to my slight fear of the ceiling caving in and falling on me. Anyways, they keep trying to tell me “It’s not that hard – there’s just one button you need to twist until the hour hand moves up by one – all there is to it!” Sure, real easy, but what if while I’m doing that, I forget which hour it was and which one I’m supposed to stop winding at? And don’t even get me started on the minutes thing.

There’s a few digital visual timekeepers at my disposal such as the microwave and VCR, but I can’t figure out those numbers for shit. And even if I could, which one do I go by? The microwave display currently reads :59 and the VCR is blinking 00:00:00 over and over again. That’s why I don’t keep time with appliances; they’re unreliable. You have to press buttons on them to tell them what time it is so you can look at them later and know what time it is. How are you supposed to tell a clock what time it is if you don’t know in the first place? I mean, isn’t that why you buy a clock – so it can tell you what time it is? That’s like buying a car when you don’t have any arms or legs and can’t drive it. Appliances are stupid like that, not to mention the VCR’s time display is making me nervous that either the end of the world has come or that it’s been around since the inception of time and somebody forgot to press the GO button on it.

Please, let me know if you see my watch. I am so lost without it.

Wait! There it is over there by those socks on the floor. Never mind.