My Mommy has been kind enough to loan me her red Toyota until I adopt my 2nd station wagon – this one from Grandma, ex-wife of the dude whose Pinto I was driving until the clutch went kaput.

I have discovered a strange occurrence in this car every so often and am not sure why it happens, so I’ll do what any other paranoid schizophrenic would do and blame it on the paranormal.

When I go to get out of the car sometimes, my door is locked. The thing is, I don’t lock it. “Oh, it’s just an electronic safety feature of the car,” you say. Sorry to doubt your suggestion, but this car is about 10 years old and I seriously doubt it was sold with that extra. I remember my Dad saying once that when you buy cars, don’t go with too many fancy bells and whistles because it’s just more stuff that will potentially fuck up and need to be fixed. 10 years ago, auto-locking cars were a pretty pimpy thing to have and I doubt that he dropped the extra Benjamins to have doors that lock themselves.

So why does this happen?! When I hit a bump does the lock somehow develop its own laws of physics and decide it needs to engage? Is Mom in the back seat hiding and locking it while I’m driving so I don’t get carjacked? Strange.

Thanks though, Mom and Dad for letting me use the car until I get Gram’s station wagon of death. The lock thing is starting to give me the creeps – you might want to have a man of holiness who knows how to fix cars take a look at it and maybe perform an exorcism.