How hard is it to get a freakin’ pair of shoes?

I buy out of print Hurley Chuck Taylor knockoffs on Ebay, ’cause I’m pretty choosy with my footwear. They are comfy and long lasting and built much better than Chucks, not to mention I like the shape of the toes better; they’re a bit more rounded.

So I ordered a new pair per usual, brand new still in box and quite inexpensive. They were UPS’ed to the wrong address about 2 months ago, ’cause I’ve moved about 1,000 times this year, and returned to sender. Just had them re-shipped for pickup at the UPS counter. Why the UPS counter and not my residence? Because UPS never comes when I’m home. I never received a call and learned today when I went to pick ’em up that they’d been returned to sender yet again. Why? Because I was not told that they were shipped and sitting at UPS waiting for me. Um. Thanks for calling like you said you would, UPS. Must be run by a bunch of men or something.

So now back they go to California or someplace like that. And once again, I have to pay $8 to have them re-sent. Gawd. Damn.

My current pair are falling apart. I walked over some dirt the other day and most of that dirt ended up on my socks because the sides are all ripped up. My feet felt like those gumballs filled with wee crunchy candy beads. But I refuse to give in and buy another pair now when I’ve already paid for a pair, providing I actually get to wear them someday.

So here goes another week or two at least without my dang shoes. At this point, it just might be more affordable to fly down there to pick them up.

FIDDLESTICKS. Darnit. FEH. Blah. Poo. Stoopidass dummies. Ninnies. Boobiefuckerheads. I hate waiting for things to be delivered like this. My $20 shoes are now almost double in price thanks to the triple shipping fees.

Why can’t I just be happy with a nice pair of Eminem Taco Shoes of the Future from Foot Locker? It would just make life so much easier. But noooooooooo. That would be too easy now, wouldn’t it?

I fart in UPS’ general die-rection.